Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
