Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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