i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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