i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
