i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The air taste purple.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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