there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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