No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize