Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
