Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
