i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
