3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
