so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
