There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize