I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
