Me. At least after what I've been through.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
