I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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