you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
