I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
