the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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