Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
