after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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