So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
