i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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