there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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