Where is the hickey?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
