I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
