I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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