FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
