shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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