Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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