i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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