Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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