Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
