there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
