omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
