this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
