What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
