When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
