He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
