my sisters under your porch take her home
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize