community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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