Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
