I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
