so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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