My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
