I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
