just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We got so high we made milksteak
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize