Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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