The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They are going to name an STD after you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
