everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
