I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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