My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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