I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
