how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
