a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
