A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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