Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
