i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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