Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
