I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
