We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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