areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
