woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
