Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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