She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
