he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
