Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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