I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
smell my finger.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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