Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
