When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
