Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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