"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
