What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
