so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
