I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize